«She was not crying because she was in pain, but because of the intensity of the session,» Tim said.

By MONICA AKECH SYSTAD and PAVLA UJMIAKOVA (photo)

A week after the movie premiere of Fifty Shades of Grey, the hype about BDSM (bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism) still lingers. An interview with a BDSM couple Tim and Joy (not their real names) who live in Molde could not have been more time appropriate. On earning our trust over a couple of phone calls, the pair invited us to their home for an exclusive interview. It was quite evident that Tim is the dominant partner, a trait he boasted about as he immediately took charge of the interview while Joy interjected occasionally.

How it all begun

Tim: When I was young, I had strange ways of expressing myself towards girls. I would do minor things like ask the girl to lie under the bed or stand in a dark closet. I can clearly remember tying a girl to a tree. At the age of 16, I met an older woman who was also submissive and used that opportunity to explore and find out much about myself which developed into what I am today.

Joy: I always had thoughts of exploring my sexuality and sometimes talked about it to friends, but I never practiced BDSM until I met Tim and began to explore different things with him.

About the movie

Joy: I found the books and the movie boring. There are much better books about BDSM out there.

Tim: The most important scene was towards the end, I did recognize some things that were part of me. For instance, when they began their relationship, the woman enjoyed it a lot and their intensity kept on building until she told him to do something different and make their sessions so hard and intense. While she was laying on the table, he hit her very hard with a belt around six times. I noticed his facial expression and he did not like it. That was a very good actor, because in BDSM both have to share similar feelings.

What happens in a BDSM scene?

Tim: Everybody is different. Some do more extreme things, others put needles in and it can get very dangerous. There are many levels. For us the most important is the psychological role-play. I have the psychological control of her mind, given the connection we have, our souls connect very well. I do not know how to explain it; it is not like a button you push. We do not have stop words, red, yellow or blue, as other people do. I find it funny when others do it during the BDSM parties I have been to.

The things I tell her to do turn me on and I can get pleasure from it. I can fantasize about something and write about it on paper then make a session that we follow through. For example, once she was at work I told her to get a scissor, cut a piece of her trousers and send me a picture, which she did. Small stuff like that are a lot of fun for me. If I am in the master mood and she is not in the submissive mood, I cannot do anything.

Our sessions can go on for the whole day or over a day, it can start at home by using blinds, cuffs and then it grows to the psychological role-playing.

Sometimes, I can wash her as soon as she wakes up and totally take control of her. I may want her to go in latex clothes in the daytime while at home, that kind of stuff, with a little bit of smacking. Maybe when we go somewhere she may be required to take off the trouser when we are at a café – small stuff like that – and the excitement builds up.

My apartment is always chaotic, but when I am role-playing, I do not have chaos. I have full control and I need to control myself. Everything is in the mind. That is where we derive the pleasures. I get the most pleasure when we are done and she is happy. I am always happy, because I can do what I want.

We share fantasies. Everybody has fantasies, but it does not mean that we have to do all of them. I feel that everybody needs a relationship where they can meet and sit with their partner and talk about their fantasies and thoughts.

Pain vs. pleasure

Tim: The first time Joy had tears in her eyes was mainly because she had an explosion of feelings. She was not crying because she was in pain, but because of the intensity of the session, I do not get pleasure in hitting. I do not think it is cool to hit a woman, but I like that she experiences the softness, cold, warmth and pain at the same time and that she feels that she is being taken care of. I do not want to share women in BDSM sessions, as some people do. What is mine is mine. I know some people who are from another world. An old friend of mine is a submissive and needs to go around for three months with a metallic piece around his genitals with needle pricks inside it. Totally crazy.

Fetish clothing

Tim: I do not wear latex, because I think it is idiotic. However, Joy wears latex clothes. When I was younger, I was at fetish parties and I would giggle all the time. One day while at the fetish event in Ålesund, there was a woman walking in with two men. One of the guys had a pink ballerina dress and the other had a butt plug with a horsetail and I was like: «What?» I laughed a lot and people who did not know me were wondering why I did that.

Joy: We shop for latex costumes in Amsterdam given that they are of a high quality. Whenever we shop online, the latex lasts for only two sessions.

Tim: When we travelled to Amsterdam, we went to a shop that sold very high quality latex. I had been there 20 years ago and we had a hard time finding it, but when we did go in the nice and exclusive little shop, we bought one set and got broke. The feeling of latex on the body is amazing.

Do you have a BDSM contract?

Tim: Yes, we do. It is not legally binding, but we hold to the spirit of the contract.

Are others aware of your lifestyle?

Tim: Yes. We are open about everything, including our lifestyle. The idea is to live your life and have fun. Our children do not know, but if they happen to find out, we will talk with them about it.